“I had a psychotic breakdown when my building was flooded with tech people.” Cheryl
I was born in the projects in Potrero hill, but I grew up in the Richmond district, a nice neighborhood. It was challenging to be one of the few African-American families in that area. People said “Cheryl is OK, she is from here.” But the African-American kids didn’t like me. They thought I was trying to be white because of the way I speak. In the end, most of my friends were from the avenues.
My grandmother was a very high achiever. She had a master’s degree. She was one of the first black teachers in San Francisco, and was able to buy a flat in the avenues on her own. That was really phenomenal for the times, it was 1959. My mama was an English major, that’s why I speak so proper. But our family struggled, and people didn’t know it.
“I really liked working with kids, and in my early twenties I got a job as a teacher’s assistant.”
My father had 32 kids, 22 here and 10 in Arkansas, where he’s from. He was a Golden Gloves boxer. When his mother died, he decided to put down his gloves and use his mind. He loves San Francisco and wrote a lot of poems about the city that are published in a book.
After I graduated from George Washington High school, I started working at a daycare because I needed money. I really liked working with kids, and in my early twenties I got a job as a teacher’s assistant. I started taking classes here and there, and ended up working for the Head Start program. After a while, they came to me for a Head teacher job. I didn’t even have to go through interviews! But you know, I’m a capricorn. If you ever read about capricorns, you know they are natural leaders. I was at Head Start for years, until I was 38 years old. I even have my children’s center permit, I could start my own school if I wanted.
“I married a German guy who looked like Alec Baldwin, so gorgeous. I couldn’t believe he liked someone like me. My family didn’t like him.”
And then, life started to change. My grandmother died and her house was sold. I was living on my own at that time, but I knew I always had my grandma to come home to. Not anymore. I inherited some money and married a German guy. He looked like Alec Baldwin, so gorgeous. I couldn’t believe he liked someone like me. We got married at City Hall in 1998 and bought a condominium in Oakland. He was an alumnus of Walden House, a very big drug program. My family didn’t like him.
In 2000 I lost everything. My husband started slipping into San Francisco, doing dope on Polk Street. I felt so alone, but my stepfather didn’t allow him to come over. I was so depressed, that when a friend offered me some heroin I took it. Heroin was the thing to do in high school, we all played with that in the avenues.
“I was buying property, had money, I was an educated teacher — what is all this? It happens that quick. Homeless for the first time.”
We lost our home and my husband and I stayed on the streets on Turk and Hyde. He was really sick, so I stayed out with him, because of my heart. He would leave me all the time, doing acts with other men for drugs. That was all new for me, as an avenue girl. I was buying property, had money, I was an educated teacher — what is all this? It happens that quick. Homeless for the first time.
What happened then is I got arrested. God takes care of us in funny ways. I went to jail for two weeks for a sting that was going on. When I got out, I went home to my mom and stepfather. I couldn’t sleep inside, because I was so used to sleeping in the street. So I left after two days and came back to the Tenderloin. I told my mom I had to find my husband. I started asking around for him, and people told me he was in the hospital, where he eventually passed away. When I heard he was in the hospital, I was relieved. It was like a big elephant got off my back. Now I could take care of myself! So I went to a drug program for six months. I met a really great guy there. He was Irish and Italian. We got together.
We stayed in hotels mostly, until he found us a place in Dogpatch. There, we relapsed on heroin. We got on methadone and I haven’t used heroin ever since. That’s 15 years ago now.
After 11 years, I fell out of love with this guy. I just got bored. So he left, because I had left him at heart. And then, my mom died and my little brother passed away. I also had a leg disease, and my yoga school closed down, so I lost my Guru, who was like a mentor to me.
“Where do all these high tech people come from? We natives call them invaders. They look down on us natives. They came here and didn’t want to be part of the city.”
I was alone again. And then one day, I woke up, looked around in my neighborhood, and I was terrified. I don’t know if I wasn’t aware before, but it was like BAM, where do all these high tech people come from? Dogpatch was always just lower income middle class people, all nice. And then so many tech people came to the neighborhood. We natives call them invaders. They look down on us natives. They came here and didn’t want to be part of the city. Someone broke it down to me once and said ‘Cheryl, these people are in front of computers all day. They don’t socialize. They don’t know how.’ I had never thought about it that way.
The building I was living in was flooded by tech people. There were three of us natives left in the 30 units at some point. And I was naive, saying hi to everybody, being loose. My neighbor was so mean, evil. She called the police on me for no reason. People called me bitch, and they put signs on my door that said ‘leave.’
I had a nervous breakdown. I saw demons in my room, coming out of my clothes, the wallpaper. And then one day, I just got up and left. I had the clothes on my back, and went back to the streets. I was in psychosis. I wasn’t doing dope as much as people thought. It was just that I had lost too much, and was verbally abused by my neighbors.
“I was in psychosis. I went to a drop-in center, and I got a meat cleaver to protect myself. I pulled the knife on a woman, so they wanted me to leave. And I asked, please call the police on me, I need help.”
So I went into a tent. And lived in a tent for 6 months. Homeless again. I was still in psychosis, it would calm down and get bad again and calm down. I didn’t get any help. I went to a drop-in center, and I got a meat cleaver to protect myself. I pulled the knife on a woman, so they wanted me to leave. And I asked, please call the police on me, I need help. I said this woman is trying to kill me. Her name is Cheryl. So I just got to kill her and then kill myself. I was really serious.
They took me in for a 24-hour evaluation. I said after that I am ready, you can let me go. And they said no we’re not going to let you go. And I said ok, I went to a psychiatric ward for three weeks, got medication and then from there I went to stabilization for four months. And then from there to a drug program for 6 months.
“So I came to the Hospitality House and the Healing WELL every day, it kept me clean. Now that I have a stable place to stay.”
After that, I went back to my tent. I had nowhere to go, you have to wait to get in the shelter. My tent was near the bay, I had a beautiful view. But around the tent were the people I was running from. So I came to the Hospitality House and the Healing WELL every day, it kept me clean. I don’t know what made me do that cause it was a 45 minute bus ride, I believe it’s all God’s work. From there, I got a shelter bed and then a place for myself. Now that I have a stable place to stay, I’m performing again, like I did in my twenties. I just did a show at the Bayview opera house. I recited my father’s poems, to keep them alive for him.
“I’m in a community leadership program. I’m organizing a dialogue between native San Franciscans and tech people to come up with solutions for the city.”
Everything that happened to me, I feel like God did it, because he wanted me to learn first hand about being homeless to prepare me for what I’m doing today. I’m in a community leadership program, where I’m learning how to organize, advocate and innovate for the community. I’m doing a lot of activist work: I’m working with district supervisors on political campaigns, and I’m organizing a dialogue between native San Franciscans and tech people to come up with solutions for the city.
Here’s what I think: we need to get working class people out here to protest. There’s a lot of people out there that care that don’t know what to do, and I want to connect with them. Most people in California are just a paycheck away from homelessness, and they don’t realize that. I want people to understand we need to take care of each other, because any one of us can become homeless. Just look at me, I was a professional teacher and it happened to me.
Shared weekly on Medium, and soon to be published in a book, ‘Stories Behind the Fog’ is a compendium of 100 stories of people affected by homelessness in San Francisco. The project was triggered by one man’s story that will be released next year in the form of a feature-length documentary: www.moses.movie
This story has been written by Arjanna van der Plas and photographed by Fran Guijarro in collaboration with our partner organization Healing WELL.
